Failure

So in these last few months I've had to come to terms that I failed with getting my first film off the ground. It's hard to admit defeat. It bruises the ego. They won, you lost and things didn't go according to plan. For me this is my first real failure. It has completely changed my life. Blind, arrogant confidence has been beaten into a coma. Now I realize how much of myself was taken away with this.

I feel like a house that has been destroyed. As I start to rebuild I'm coming to a crossroad. Do I rebuild the same house? Was I really happy in that house? Not so much. But how do I build a new person? I feel like this is the ultimate stray from the comfort zone. I hid inside that shell of wanting to be the best for so long that I don't know anything else. But that self is gone. The fuel for it drained out the moment it met failure...more like reality.

Maybe it's all for good reason. Maybe I'll ultimately become a better, happier person. New skin. Maybe I'm fortunate that it happened now than later in my twilight years. All I know is that this is the toughest and strangest moment in my life. It's a daily occurance that I'm conflicted on which direction to go towards. Hopefully I can build a new life that will be more beneficial to everyone. It would be tragic if I wasn't strong enough and reverted back to my old ways.

If there is someone out there who is going through this, stay strong. Don't get lost down the empty path that television blasts at us everyday. What you see is not real, it's just flashing lights. It's gone when you turn off the power. After you turn it off you will be alone again. Lost in your thoughts and lost in the world. Search for the answers. Search long and hard. Don't settle on the past. There is a bright future somewhere out there.

Maybe failure is the catalyst for rebirth. I hope all of us lost folks can find a better state of mind. It starts today...